e nina jay, an Amazon i am blessed to know in person, recently wrote a book titled body of rooms that inspires this post… she says this and more about the book:
body of rooms is a reckoning. a conversation with myself and the parts of me i find reflected in the eyes, the pain, the secrets and the lives of all the womyn that i am drawn to and love.
This post is about rooms within rooms. Closets. Sometimes the only messy spots in the house. From the beginning I learned about hiding things in closets. My mom was a high school senior who didn’t mean to get pregnant in 1967. Before Roe v Wade.
Shhhh… what will we tell the neighbors?
I don’t know about you, but when I’m cleaning closets or cupboards I have to take everything out first. Every fucking thing. And this time I cleaned every fucking closet. In the past three years, I have completely gone through my entire catalog. Looked at every cobweb, habit, belief, behavior and dog hair.
Turned the lake upside down. Emptied every closet. Identified and re-examined the bits labelled victim, abuser, addiction, racist, homophobe, sexist, ableist, classist, codependent, anxiety, depression, martyr, squirrel chaser, privilege, survivor.
Breathing and calming the chaos.
Deciding what stays and what goes.
Reminding myself of who I Am. Determining who I want to Be.
Remembering I am Enough.
I didn’t plan this deep cleaning… well, not the method anyway. I’ve been on a conscious journey of self discovery for quite a while and sometimes the Universe has a funny way of showing you yourSelf. And I mean funny painful, challenging and what the fuck self, you couldn’t get and give these lessons in other ways?!
Nope, apparently not. I can be pretty thick-headed and coarse. Not thick-skinned though dammit. That could have been helpful in working through the white fragility and some other stuff… or maybe not…
Anyhoo, as I organize the mess and recognize that writing really has been helping, I know I want to do more… and use this platform to do that. So expect to see tabs/categories/pages and other changes as I move forward. Hmmm… seems like a good time to reach out to Kelli Wise of Pint Sized Sites for some guidance. She is an educator and website designer I met in person at the AMTA Convention years ago. That’s American Massage Therapy Association for those unfamiliar with the acronym.
Alright loves, time to get showered and on with the day. Tell me, have you cleaned out any of your closets lately?